On Recipes from Jewish Grandmothers

My mother has requested a dish called "osso buco" for her birthday dinner (she's a Christmas baby!). My paternal grandmother made it for her birthday for years, but now Gram lives in South Carolina and we won't be with her until the 26th. I called my grandmother up to try to get the recipe. Disaster ensues.

Precursor: the last time I asked my grandmother for her mandelbrot recipe, she left out crucial ingredients like, oh, I don't know, baking powder. Needless to say, my first attempt at mandelbrot was a little terrible. I have two theories behind this problem:

1) No Jewish grandmother works from written recipes. Recipes live in the mind, and involve measurements like "a little of this", "a handful of that", and "oh, who knows, just taste it til it seems perfect". Because she was working off of a mental recipe, she just plum forgot the baking powder.

2) Through a scheming grandmother complex of never wanting anyone else to make her signature dishes as beautifully as she did, she purposefully left off an ingredient or two, knowing I wouldn't be able to tell, my cooking would turn out a little mediocre, and she would remain queen of Jewish cooking for all time.

You decide.

Anyway. So I call up my grandmother, who at the age of eighty-something, is, to put it kindly, deaf as a fucking doornail unless you're sitting right next to her. My grandfather picks up, and I tell him what I want, warning him of my past recipe strife, and asking him to tell her that I want the WHOLE recipe, no shenanigans. He gives the phone to her. Before I can even get out of my mouth that I want her osso buco recipe, she has handed the phone to my grandfather because she can't understand me. Through multiple phone-passings-off, we are both finally on the same page that I need the recipe. Highlights of the phone conversation are as follows:

Gram: "Then add tomatoes! You know, I used to just pick them out of the garden, back in the day, but a can will do."
Me: "What size can?"
Gram: "A can. One that's big enough. You'll know."

Gram: "Put all those ingredients in a bag. Shake the bag. Shake it hard."

Gram: "Pour in some white wine. I like all kinds. PLENTY of white wine."

Gram: "Just bake it til it tastes good. You'll know."

We get to the end of the recipe-imparting. I rack my brain, trying to see if I remember any other delicious components of the dish. There are always big chunks of carrots. She has not remotely mentioned carrots. I call her out on this.

Gram: "Oh, carrots...of course, carrots. Brown them. Big chunks of carrots. Very important. Did I not say that? Carrots"

I am skeptical. This seems like scheming grandma, not forgetful grandma. I will win. I will make delicious osso buco. I ask if there are any other ingredients. She says no, wishes me luck with the dish, suggests I rob a bank to pay for the expensive veal shank bones that are the base of the dish. This seems like a good idea.

I call my mother, to tell her about scheming grandmother recipe ordeal. One minute in, my grandmother calls through, to tell me I should cross-check her with the Silver Palate recipe for osso buco, because "I'm old, you know". She tells me that I will make it beautifully, that my mother will love it, and that she wishes she could be there to taste it. Sighhhh. Cutest grandmother ever. I fly down to visit her on Saturday!

I love my grandmother, and am now in a quandary over how to gauge future recipes. Does she love me? Does she want me to fail? Are the two mutually exclusive? (I hope not??) Wish me luck on the osso buco journey. I remain wary.

I will be her one day. Never trust my recipes when I am a grandma and have to guard my Jewish culinary renown. Maybe don't even trust me now. But remember, even if I set you up for failure, I love you. It's for your (my?) own good.

What's in your closet? (and why I DO think it matters)

Even if you swear you're "not into fashion", you still get dressed in the morning. Getting dressed requires making choices. Choices about your style. Otherwise you'd go to work in a paper bag, or better (worse?) yet, naked. In other words, everyone has a style. It's more a matter of how you choose to express it.

I follow a bunch of fashion and style blogs, a stack of home and design blogs, and religiously read magazines from Vogue to Nylon to ID to Paper. I love some of it, ignore a lot of it, and wish I was the style editor for a big chunk of it. And yes, I think the pricetags on most of things on the pages are ludicrous. Because they are. Nobody should follow these publications or "experts" blindly, or they would go bankrupt. I use everything from magazines to people on the T to IKEA as inspiration for how I dress myself and the world around me, and can do so for low-brow pennies on the high-street dollar. But I do make style choices, for a variety of different reasons, depending on the day. And so do you. Unless you dress exactly like your roommates or your sister or your girlfriend every day, you have style.

If you think that style doesn't matter, I hate (ok, LOVE) to say that I think you're wrong. When you don't have much to judge people on, appearance ends up being one of the first things we utilize to form our opinions about people. It can be in a good way or a bad way, but the way we look does speak to a few things about us. It can subtly impart that we're trying to impress or follow the rules (slicked back hair, carefully ironed pants, expertly matched accessories) or that we bend the rules (tattoos peeking out from crisp white sleeves, a tasteful nose piercing). Big jewelry or bright colors can hint that we want to be remembered, while simple or dark clothing can indicate a push to blend in and not make a scene. Trendy bag = penchant for labels? Or just a love of that designer's aesthetic. Jacket from your mom's era? Sentimental value, or maybe you just hate the only leather jackets for sale in 2009 don't make you feel badass. Dressing for yourself, or dressing for other people: we make choices about what we wear, where we wear it, and what we want to portray dressed like that. Or we'd show up naked, and not care at all.

(Still think I'm wrong? Look at a picture of yourself when you were 2. And then one age 7. Then 11. 15. 20. Today. Are you wearing the same things? Do you cringe at some photos? Is part of the cringing not at acne or blurry photography, but at what you're wearing? Still wish you could wear pink puffy dresses or Superman pajamas in public, but some part of you says you shouldn't? I'm right. Fashion and style matter. You're welcome.)

(STILL think I'm wrong? Would you wear your bathing suit to a job interview? Would you wear your business suit to the beach? No? Yeah, I'm right. I thought so.)

Don't get me wrong--I'm not saying you have to spaz every time you put on jeans: "What am I saying if I put on boot cut or skinny, acid-washed or dark rinse?!?!" Style and fashion shouldn't be a singular obsession: you can look like Heidi Klum and still be bad at your job or be a terrible person. But don't write it all off, either. Think about how your favorite concert t-shirt or a dangly pair of earrings or a killer cocktail dress can lift your mood. And how uncomfortable you are when you're wearing shoes that hurt, an ugly sweater your mom made you wear, or when you know you're having a bad hair day. We all make style and fashion choices, and you may as well admit it and enjoy it. And if you want to go shopping, give me a call.

Suggestions if you want to open up your mind to the world of style?
The Sartorialist--one of the pre-eminent fashion photographers today, Scott Shuman
Garance Dore (Thank you to Kate!) Scott's girlfriend Garance, a photographer and illustrator
Put This On (thank you to Leif) "how to dress like a grownup" (I will be writing more about this...)
New Brahmin (Boston style) Local fashion and style buffs who work for Boston publications
New York Times Fashion and Style. The eponymous NYTimes.
The Moment (New York Times) NY Times style blog
The Selby amazing photos of interesting people, their style, and their homes

Magazines:
Vogue (British edition highly recommended) Vanity Fair, Nylon, ID, Paper, and many, many more.

Comment with your favorite style and fashion blogs, please!

On the kind of customer service that keeps me from yelling at you

I have worked in customer service for years: retail, food service, secretarial work. Cliche but true, the phrase "the customer is always right" [at least until they're out of earshot] is something to tattoo in a highly visible spot in your brain. While customers shouldn't ignore the humanity of service workers, they are still paying for a service, and expect and deserve polite, respectful, and non-condescending communication. Regardless of age or gender.

Case in point: If you are an MBTA worker, and the trains are running 10 and then 25 minutes late, do NOT berate ME for "cutting it too close" and rudely blame MEfor the fact that I will be horrifically late for work. Instead, apologize for the delays and thank me for my patience. If you do that, I am much more likely to empathize with you also having a stressful morning, surrounded by soggy, late commuters. If, however, you choose to talk down to a 22 year old girl, when I pay the same $60 a month for your services as the rest of your beleaguered customers [only to be late 75% of the time] I will call you out on this in front of said platform of fellow angry riders. I played zero role in making the train late (for the millionth time this year), and therefore, will not accept your Masshole attitude alongside my lack of caffeination and sopping wet shoes.

This same advice goes to sales clerks (how do YOU know that I'm not going to buy anything? I usually do, and if you're a snob, I will tell the cashier that any other salesperson helped me and screw you out of any commission), waitstaff (I tip insanely well), and staff at universities or human resources (I am a student/employee, please don't treat me like a moron).

Do unto others, don't be an jerk, the customer is always right--all synonyms for the same thing. Treat your consumers with at least a modicum of respect. Or beware their early morning rage.

Just another great cab conversation...

In my cab to a strange business meeting last night, I had a Lebanese cab driver. He asked me what I did, and when I said I raised funds for Mass General, writing all the thank you notes to rich people, he started telling me about the Muslim theories behind giving.

He spoke about "zakat", the philosophy of giving in Islam. In his culture, giving was more of an obligation, not a thing to be congratulated for. He told me that the best way for a wealthy person to give was in such a manner that the recipient didn't know the giver, and the giver didn't know the recipient, commenting that in this type of situation, nobody could feel better than or worse than the other party. There should be neither pride nor shame in giving or receiving, he said. Also, he said, the idea of people tacking their names all over buildings or donor lists, expecting a pat on the back for giving, when they were in the financial position to be generous, was silly.

This made total sense to me. I told him that the word for exactly this concept in Judaism is "tzedakah", or obligation. Giving is expected of everyone, in greater amounts from the wealthy, and in small amounts from everyone, and flashy or public recognition of tzedakah is unnecessary and runs counter to the underlying philosophy. There are 8 levels of giving, described by a Jewish philosopher. The top level is teaching or enabling someone how to support themselves so they don't require money from others, and the level right below that is the double-blind giving described by my Muslim cab driver. He laughed when we realized the parallels between our two cultures, when for others simply realizing there was a Jew and a Muslim in the car could have been awkward. We both smiled discussing the things in common between the two beliefs and cultures were and how not many people pause to realize the links.

When I asked why he left Lebanon, the conversation segued into a Munich-like dialogue(if you haven't seen the movie, please do), about how politicians and people at the top create much of the conflict in the Middle East, while everyday people just want to live their lives, support their families, and be happy, regardless of ethnicity, wealth, or political affiliation. He left Lebanon, where politicians at the top almost caused a civil war a few years ago, hoping for a place with less conflict and the chance to live a good life.

In a world where we're always dead set on finding the differences, whether Democrat/Republican, man/woman, Jew/Muslim, American/foreigner, I hopped out of my cab, truly touched by the simple and compassionate conversation between two regular people, willing to see how similar all people are.

On Being Employed!

Exciting news! I negotiated my way into a full-time position at my temp job. This means the following:

• I can stop trolling craiglist (NOT the adult section, thankyouverymuch)
• I will have real health benefits!
• I will get paid more!
• And the best part: I know what I will be doing for the next year or so, and can make other plans accordingly.

When I was looking for jobs, it was hard to turn that part off and do anything else. I had no central basis for coordinating other things I wanted to do, and was constantly thinking about applications, resumes, and references. Even at my temp job, I had a difficult time wanting to make more solid relationships with my coworkers, because I didn't know how long I was going to be there, and I felt insecure suggesting changes or speaking up. My new job extends me new responsibilities, opportunities for professional development, the comfort to strengthen relationships with coworkers, and the security to flex my muscles in my everyday duties, as well as the ability to enjoy the rest of my other time and ambitions in the near future outside of the 9-5 window.

Now that I can take a mental deep breath, I'm signing up for a real gym membership, applying to be a Big Sister (they ask that you have a secure lifestyle for the foreseeable year to even apply!), plotting more networking and community involvement, and spending weekday afternoons reading and going to the movies instead of writing cover letters. The chunk of actual and subconscious time taken up with the job search and stress is out the window for the time being, and truth be told, I won't miss it a tiny bit. Now I can just giggle at the Missed Connections part of craigslist, instead of the marketing/PR and nonprofit sections of the job posts.

Since I'm working in development (read: bringing in the $$ bills, y'all) at Mass General, I'm hoping to learn enough useful things to contribute skills (and my free time) to nonprofits that need an extra hand--a big perk of learning and working at a large and stable organization. Listservs like Young Non-profit Professionals Network (YNPN) disseminate work, volunteer, and networking opportunities in the Boston area--check it out if you're in the field. There are some great programs going on at Mass General too, like the Home Base Program, which provides crucial psychological services to veterans returning from deployment with post-traumatic stress disorder and traumatic brain injury, and I'm excited to volunteer at more events.

I plan to use any comp time I get on the job to travel on the weekends. Places on the itinerary are DC and NYC for starters, but I'm always looking for new places/people to visit, and saving up time to make it out to California to see my brother, my cousin, and maybe Leif and Stivers if they're lucky!

On a slight tangent, a friend on Twitter mentioned a great program that doesn't seem to have a general group in Boston: Dining For Women. Once a month, women (don't see why men couldn't be included too) meet for a potluck dinner, donating the funds they would have spent going out to dinner to women in need. I'd seriously love to set up a chapter, any takers? Check out the site and the mission statement below!

Mission Statement:
Changing the world one dinner at a time
DFW empowers women living in extreme poverty by funding programs fostering good health, education, and economic self-sufficiency, and cultivates educational dinner circles inspiring individuals to make a difference through the power of collective giving.

Play Nice, Win Big.

It pays to be nice to people.

Case in point: I'm running late to work this morning, and I stop by my usual Dunkin Donuts. The people who work there are super friendly and nice, and they know me as a regular by now. I make it a point to always be pleasant with them, even if an order gets screwed up or the line is long, and I ask how they are or how their weekend was. This morning, I walked in, and before I even actually got in line, one of my favorite women behind the counter got my attention, showing me she'd ALREADY made my bagel! I was in and out in no time, in a great mood, and a little renewal of faith in humanity after the typical morning T ride.

Treacly/sentimental, sure. But my mom always taught me that it's right to be pleasant and friendly to everyone. The coffee shop worker, the janitor, the secretary, the store clerk--not only are they real people who deserve friendliness and respect, they can also be your best connections (transition from altruism to a little premeditation). If you befriend the office secretary, you always get a warm welcome and are guaranteed quick responses. A clerk is more likely to do you a favor or hold an item if you don't treat them like dirt. Vice versa, your boss will love if you notice she's having a rough day, and your dad is thrilled when you remember to wish him good luck before a big meeting. And everyone I know was on the bottom rung at some point in their lives. I worked for minimum wage at a deli and folded panties at the Gap. To this day, I tip counter staff, try to not wreck clothing displays at stores, and say "Thanks, have a good day!" to stressed out workers. I do expect the same, and am often disappointed by the lack of basic politeness and pleasantries in others, but hey, maybe I'll start a trend.

This translates into every facet of life. Everyone is a real person with real feelings and real problems. Even superficial or quick relationships should be two-way, and cognizant of both parties' humanity. Unless of course the other party just fired you, dumped you, or gave you the wrong version of your half-caf latte, two Splendas, one cream. Then clearly that person is the spawn of Satan and deserves to roast in hell....

A little net love

• Bought my own domain name! (convinced to do so by Leif) Hopefully I'll be setting it up soon, redirecting my blog, adding some new components, etc. I'm no technophile, but I'm going to give it a shot!
• A Google Wave invite is headed my way! (courtesy of Dan) I've heard a lot about it, and Danielle scored some early access, so I'm excited to check it out, see if all the fuss measures up. I watched a video or two on it a while back, and seems like something I could really take advantage of, especially with the number of people I keep in touch with on an almost all-online basis.
• Pistachios + Levi Johnston = hilarious
• It's Always Sunny = I want to knit my cat mittens, now that I can knit
• I love the ease of online donations: if you haven't already, even $5 makes a difference. I'm walking in the Light the Night walk tomorrow night at Boston Common to raise money for leukemia and lymphoma research. Our friend Eric Zagorda passed away almost exactly a year ago following a long battle with leukemia, and in his memory we're raising money. He was an active educator and vocal advocate for medical advancement in this area, and staying involved with the cause is one of the best ways to remember him. Check out my team's page, and make a secure online donation

• AND it pays to have friends in high places: Samantha works in the Student Affairs office at Northeastern, and got a mention of our fundraising into the VP for Student Affairs' blog! Thanks Sam!
  

REALLY?

From my internal All-User email at MGH:

Animal Walk will affect traffic tonight

The Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus is in town and is having its annual Animal Walk tonight. Traffic delays can be expected.
The Animal Walk will travel the following route:
At approximately 7 pm, the animals will depart Pacific Avenue in Cambridge, turn right onto Albany Street and right onto Mass. Ave.
They will turn left on Memorial Drive and stay on Memorial Drive until the Charles River Bridge on Msgr. O'Brien Highway.
They will turn right to cross the Charles River Bridge and pass in front of the Museum of Science.
They will then go down Martha Road and take a left on Nashua Street to the TD Garden ramp.
Thank you.
MGH Parking and Commuter Services

...anyone want to go look at elephants and zebras in the rain? No?

South End Exploration

The South End: one of my favorite areas of the city to just meander through. A little old, a little new, and always amazing colors.


I would live here happily...
The clouds reflected = perfection

Color close-up

Contrast the worksite with the cityscape (want to paint one too?)

My mom, an architect, always taught me to remember to look up.

She loves construction sites, too. I always take a second look.

He's keeping an eye on things....

Storefront on waltham...

Dream brownstone. All that's missing is me walking down those steps leaving for work in the morning...

Group of wildly fashionable men, checking out the abandoned Sahara restaurant...

Just made me smile....

Twinkle twinkle

Shadow and light and an amazing space at the South End Open Market

City gardens. One day, i'll have a spot in one.

Ivy-covered anything

Pravda, eat your heart out--some boozehound left your classy nip outside a classy hotel last night...this would make an amazing ad.

My answers, to be continued....

1. What is your idea of perfect happiness?
2. What is your greatest fear?
The mundane.
3. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
4. What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Not saying "bless you" when someone sneezes, and forgetting to reciprocate (and mean) the question "how are you doing?"
5. Which living person do you most admire?
6. What is your greatest extravagance?
Magazines, big earrings, and text messages. And a second lime in every gin and tonic.
7. What is your current state of mind?
undercaffeinated, anticipatory, and antsy
8. What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
being "nice" and "normal". I doubt the actual existence of these virtues, and if they do manifest, they'd certainly be boring.
9. On what occasion do you lie?
10. What do you most dislike about your appearance?
11. Which living person do you most despise?
12. What is the quality you most like in a man?
Remembering the details
13. What is the quality you most like in a woman?
Tolerance for differences among women
14. Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
Literally. Fuck. Seriously.
15. What or who is the greatest love of your life?
16. When and where were you happiest?
17. Which talent would you most like to have?
18. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
Less quick to speak my mind--not that I will ever stop speaking my mind, I just wish I'd think it out a little more often before opening my mouth.
19. What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Making and maintaining the many amazing relationships I have, overcoming time, distance, and differences--harder than I ever would have thought.
20. If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?
21. Where would you most like to live?
London when possible, Geneva in the summer, although I can see myself settling in Boston...
22. What is your most treasured possession?
23. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
The mundane.
24. What is your favorite occupation?
25. What is your most marked characteristic?
Anyone who knows will say my loud, distinctive laugh. And I always have bandaids and bobby pins in my purse.
26. What do you most value in your friends?
A sense of warped humor, good hugs, and the quiet ability to step up.
27. Who are your favorite writers?
Kerouac, Vonnegut, Austen, Feynman, Chabon, Chbosky, Singer, Lamb, Diamant
28. Who is your hero of fiction?
29. Which historical figure do you most identify with?
30. Who are your heroes in real life?
31. What are your favorite names?
32. What is it that you most dislike?
Expensive plane tickets
33. What is your greatest regret?
34. How would you like to die?
35. What is your motto?